Happy New Year 2012!

Happy New Year folks!

First and Last

This is to be my FIRST and LAST post of the very last months for 2011 before us embarking ourselves into a happier and merrier 2012. I initially refused to be sentimental by jotting down what had swerve bumping life been. But the thought nevertheless I shot down for fear that I would not know of such anything my life's lesson. But I'm glad I survived my second year in law school and another 21 year old as friend and colleague for my interested reader. Thank you for bear with me all this while. 

Frankly, I haven't thought any to celebrate this incoming new year until I stumbled on Mrs Pink and Mr Blue's blog about good ideas to celebrate with friends and family. The ideas were generally fun but I decided not to embark any. Instead, I choose to be home and spend a good time for good chocolate and movie plus some revision for my finals. Anyways, I am happy for this low-end celebration, though I may opt to join Izwar and Kamarul for Ustaz Azhar Idrus. Kicking celebration I suppose is not sensible considering my finals are due next week. And yeah it spoils for good holidays.

This year I vastly dedicate myself into inner healing. I once felt down and under-appreciated but I rise and shine beating the odds. Slowly and now fully recovered from the heart disease. I am a happy single person with front belly by now. All these would not change if I dare not kick myself. The trick I learnt, never underestimate yourself. I am being capable to believe and be what I believe. Ultimately, I be what I believe that bad thing never wronged me. And I thank to have supporting friends and family in times I feel vain. I reckon life never be good without this bitter pill to swallow. But that's the only pill makes you ways better good. 

I wish I have better thing to say. Alas, there is none with exception this nation and the people will continue to live contently and rejects political extremism. May one leads a better and prosperous life in 2012. As for the end I quote this "Sometimes we really have to move on and face the fact that certain chapters of our lives should really be closed forever." Now, I'm ready to let it go.

Living happier life

Picture of the Year. Moot Court UiTM Shah Alam

Trip of the Year. Kuala Gula Bird Sanctuary, Perak.

Senior Counsel for Respondent

p/s last things in 2011

Last watched movie - Sherlock Holmes 2

Last meal for dinner - Colonel Rice Chicken

Last meal for lunch - Ikan Keli + Sayur Rebung

Last read novel - Sh*t my dad says

Last heard song - Fireworks by Katy Perry

Isn't that too obvious?

OBVIOUSLY I am not a professional photographer. But a guy with 4 months spare long summer holidays could do nonetheless is taking good pictures for good life-time memories. As summer it is, my hometown is getting a bit more wet and warm lately. There were just some days when rain was not getting an inch, but a full flare of sunshine. Monsoon sometimes spoils the perfect weather for pleasant beach walking. But I can guess that was blessing for such gifted land. Anyways, a wish for miracle comes true. Kota Kinabalu is getting hotter and happening these days, just in time for nice blended-wet-and-warm pictures! Have a look!

2.1

So many things happened in the past. Importantly to say I am back in hometown. With many things that were so happening in the past I couldn't be that so uptight to write up something good about myself, though most of the time I seemed enjoy and happy for days I've spent with. Frankly, I lack inspiration so that so I keep postponing  to write up something more about me. Now I have this LITTLE motivation I don't really want to waste this up this time around.

I guess so many good things happened to me and my only wish is let's keep this a way longer until my result out. Especially criminal, I need bulks of luck to pass this paper. Otherwise, I might end up a paste by my dad. You don't really wanna see me fail the paper because of my dad.

And for this post, I wanna specially dedicate to someone that I adore very much. It's my mum. Thanks to her for the surprised birthday party. And yup, I'm now a grown up young adult. Tougher 21. :)

Jonker Street

As I promised, here's some interesting pictures around Malacca. I took photo any buildings that has some mix ducth-anglo-portuguese architecture designs. Some of the buildings are well taken care and many still maintains original medieval-style architecture, although there are minor renovations done to preserve the historical value, particularly Baba Nyonya house.

Will update this blog sooner.

Driver

At last! dad made me as family driver and taking the whole family to Melaka. So, I am a grown up young adult and not a wimpy kid anymore lol. Wait me next post, I will post some pics later. but as for right now, am wanna enjoy Malacca to the fullest.

In the end.

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter.

Untuk Esok.

Life can be very stressful indeed. It goes without saying everybody is engrossed in keeping up their busy life and we become that so oblivious to everyone around us. Until we get sad and badly need a companion, then we know that's the point of our fragile heart.

Banyak mata yang terjaga, banyak pula yang tertidur lelap memikirkan persoalan yang sudah dan akan terjadi. Tinggalkan rasa dukamu semampumu kerana memikul beban duka boleh membuatmu hilang arah. Kelmarin...Tuhan telah menolongmu. Percayalah...esok pun Dia masih tetap akan menolongmu - Imam Syafie

All praise to Allah, there are still people willing to ease's ones burden. Thank you Kamarul.

Why I shut it down?

"If you really didn't have that many friends and weren't really doing much with your life, and saw other peoples' status updates and pictures and what they were doing with friends, I could see how that would make them upset."

"With in-your-face friends' tallies, status updates and photos of happy-looking people having great times, Facebook pages can make some kids feel even worse if they think they don't measure up." -- Quotes from The Associated Press.

Thats it. I don't feel measure up and intensely feel am not that kind socially desirable. I get easily disturbed and emotionally unstable. Facebook is really come close to intimidate my social life. I must say it's hardly to put this up into writing, let alone to speak. So, I decided to keep for myself.

But keeping that myself alone does not stop everything that has started from Facebook. It does not end there. There are still few asking why. But I couldn't answer why. The fact that they'd really making a good life in the real world makes me worse off among others. And what makes me more worse off, the fact my best friend and I are no longer that close. It's really sad when the best of friends become complete two strangers. I could only find he's okay and doing much better than me by virtual Facebook. Seeing each other is simply put impossible. When all I see are people having fun and seeming the happiest people on earth it can get me down.

I knew from very beginning that my long time friend should have make myself to find other ways and moves life on. But seeing his Facebook accidentally can sometimes bring me back to old joys and happiness that we once shared together. Spending time with close friends are only a worth thing to do. That's how intense came built very fast inside me because I knew it won't be the same again. I couldn't cope that anymore and that's where I found out my deactivate button.

I, lastly have the answer to those that have full of curiosity why I was shutting down my facebook and shunning away my public life."It can be more painful than sitting alone in a crowded school cafeteria or other real-life encounters that can make kids feel down."

I come write this up to acknowledge the existence of Facebook Depression and I am one of the victim.

Dear Almost Lover,

I am sorry for almost 3 years I never wrote a single diary about thee. Yet never this lonely heart and soul meant to be forgetful, much in truth I am still very much awaiting. If that five years ain't enough, I will keep that waiting in mind as as in my heart. Though I know my existence isn't something you feel, my thoughts and prays will every each day goes to you. My best wishes for your finals and enjoy the very last day stay at UM.

"My thoughts and prayer for Japan."

"My thoughts and prayer for Japan."

Sometimes.

Key to be happy is getting myself a mountain of works and pursuing it with passionate tone. One can says it's actually a tactic to find oneself strings of distraction and pay not heed to things that actually hassle within. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Ultimately, this is how it reflects my mood. Sometimes I feel okay and sometimes I feel don't. Wonder how long this life has to be keep that happen.

Another long break.

Hi peeps. Just to let a few know I might considering to have a semester break and extended to another semester. Shah Alam is getting me so worthless nowadays, with pathetic environment I'd have to spend. I need get back my point of view and start living the place I know worthwhile to spend with together. I won't see anyone sooner in Shah Alam, sorry.

Postcard.

Have anyone ever in life got a special photograph with little notes behind that reminds us to somebody and some places that we probably never been? I have the honour from my cousin long year ago. A painted photograph perfectly pictures along with fishermen working on the boat with the sunset beach photographed behind. Simple and local stamped air mail indeed, but had enough yearn me to the place ever since. Common believer trusted a postcard as their hopes and wishes to people whom they sent as we could ever be joining them someday. They prayed for us as we could ever be there. I’ve no qualms to believe as it to be true as it ever was, because the postcard that they’d sent to me eventually brought me to Lumut; the place that was pictured in the postcard. Ever since, I treated postcard as a virtual memory that rest in my mind, awaits to be realized day by day. Memories that never come to exist by our own but by memory of others which comes forever exist and rest in one’s thought.

The people and the hometown.

If I could ever to demand another postcard to lay rest as my virtual memory, I wish it to be my hometown. It reminds me the warm and gentle people over here, not fully cramped and crowded city but the simplicity of living folks having their life with modesty. My love for this town has grown up as much as maybe I’ve grown up together witnessing the beauty. The beach we used to have barbeque. The storm that showers old rainforest. And the mountain blue that it has all adventures to offer. But the fondness of all that deserve in my mind is the friendship that we’ve seeded and blossom in the way we cried, laughed and cheered ourselves. I wished I could never leave this town and the people of course. But time will flow that way no matter we resist. So send me this postcard, friends and let it stays there forever.

Time.

One Week is sufficed to help one’s life change. Even that short, time helps us to know and helps us to grow. The problem with time I’ve learned, whether it comes to light the night or comes to dark the day, eventually time always run out. I haven’t much time staying here even for awhile. But I’m glad I called my day by knowing that there are always people to willingly love and care us again, without asking. Good thing about having people who loves us, you have the courage to stay live this world. They are every reason why we live here.

I am happy to spend this time around with ones I could really eat, talk and sing song together. They all are my brother, sister and close mates. I am here because they all are here for me so.

Lunar.

Happy Chinese New Year peeps. At last, I made myself online, after several thousands of attempts though. Life keeps me no reason to online these days. I lost my appetite to stalk pages and that’s been a month now since I closed my Facebook. It never comes too easy, though. But desire as much as love can be eroded by time that flies. Only time could heal the past, ironically it always that slow despite how desperately we want it to be fast.

I am off from the radar. I made myself disconnected. Just to know how worth it to be. Good thing about being home, I could smell love and togetherness again. I love my family. And I love dearly mum and dad. I care as much as I love my brothers and sister. I didn’t care to write how good my family is, but for a moment I could take a break of free and breathe easy for finally being noticed, adored and cared back. I’m sick and tired of be all that pouring loves and cares to close friend, when eventually he never did the same thing as I did. No one likes to be alone.

I love this place. Not because of December memories that brings me here. I never want to go back to the December as much as Taylor Swift wants it. I rather feel glad that I’m finally home because the air I breathe in and breathe out makes my minds doze off safe and soundly. I spent most of my days sitting at rocks and watch the drilled waves washed out floor of ocean. That’s how and when I started to realize how lucky I am here and how much misery my Life may be, to be left stranded in the land that I know I would be left alone still. Much to fact, it is only Southern Malaysia. I could travel alone by myself, though.

I feel good to let this out. Don’t get me wrong if revenge is all about I write. No, it never that way. Some other things are sometimes not meant to be understood, but to be accepted.

I'm trying to reach this to you.

The saddest people I've ever met in life are the ones who don't care deeply about anything at all.

To whom it may concern.

I want you to know there's a point in your life when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will. Learn to be more appreciative, if you would care not to be sensitive.

Aku ingin kau tahu ada titik dalam hidup kau apabila kau menyedari yang benar-benar penting, yang tidak pernah melakukannya, dan yang selalu akan. Belajar untuk menjadi lebih menghargai, jika kau peduli untuk tidak sensitif.

Settling within ourselves.

When you feel you're alone listen to your heart. They'll sing to you. They'll be your guide back home. Though, the hard thing is the time you spent trying hard just to listen to it.

Spectacles.

In my first Monday class only a couple of people took notice that I was wearing eyeglass into lecture hall. Maybe that because I quickly took it off after the lecture ended and before someone else have a glimpse over me. But to my surprise too, this week I had surprised so many with the way I appeared to them. I didn't take my eyeglass off while walking in between of other classes for a reason I was forgotten to take it off for being hurry. And because of that, I had so many familiar and unfamiliar faces watch me down right from my head to my toes. I wasn't sure what's been up in their mind, but it couldn't be I was so gorgeous with that way of appearance(maybe he was nerd they say, haha). Speaking in true honest word, I feel kinda weird have that on my face. I don't like to wear it, really. But since my blurry vision fails my focus, then I have to. Maybe this happened in coincidence to a brand new year. And some people thought that I'm into a new personality for this new year. Lydia, my classmate told me I looked educated in that way. That's very heartening,but I never gone thinking that far actually. Since I heard them over, I started to think personality change, maybe, a great thing to do. So, I say yes for personality change this year.

Look What I've done.

I've this narrow-minded and negative attitude of thinking the possible mishaps to happen. That what makes me a negative person, I guess. But in a bright side, I try to come out anything within the means of possibility to draw a road map of these life problems. I may sound as an optimistic person, but then again I think I just had gone too much troubling myself to think about endless life's problem. You see, I spend too much of the other night to ponder what's bring me to hate myself.

I'm making everyone fool to believe being alone is the way I lead my life better. I'm making them to feel okay in my situation now. I create illusion to convey how happy my life was without a close friend. These all are crafty delusions. I'm enough of all these lies. I am not okay without my very own best friend. Now, I feel lonely and ultimately invades myself esteem to the lowest point in my life. I've lost another greatest soul to my foul attitude. And I doomed.

Somewhere only we know

This is a good song to ponder on how we lead a life that some missing there and this. Worst all of that we desperately need the missing puzzle. One of many puzzles to compliment the hard-rocking life. One of many, it's my close friend. What is yours?


I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know

Last Day

This is it. The very last day of 2010. And this is the first post ever for 2010 too. I've plenty of reasons why I would be very happy leaving 2010 behind. Whatever it is, I've less than 24 hours to say Goodbye to you and hail a new day for a brand new year 2011. oh by the way thanks for the life-time experience, I would be very certain not to forget how 'awesome' indeed your sweet and most often cruelty hospitality and treatment. I shall not remember the pain that you evoke to me, walking by foot to Campus was indeed excruciating but certainly without your pain I would not have ride my handsome Neo. The pain that you gave was indeed a blessing and that was only reason why my dad happy to spend bucks and buy me one. I thank for that. But 2010, you are so deathly eater. You are the only reason why mum and dad thought speeding on highway is not a good idea. I lost my privilege for Lotus Handling experience, because the day you set 10.10.2010 were so deadly, I had seen it on youtube with so many dying bodies, and I swear I will not ever speed on highway again.

But what the most valuable lesson you taught me just in a year is no matter how so badly you want it to be would be so hardly will be. I badly wanna change set and time, and that damn so badly I wanna it change. But you wouldn't just give it up so easily. Until now, I couldn't change and rid off my old nasty habits. Very nasty one. But I observed some other people were behaving just like me too. No difference. These men (general statement) are insensitive and uncaring person. But since that were what they want, had cost them to lost their once sweetheart. I lost it too, ironically. I can't be very sure if it is the honorouble truth I speak that friendship is last longer than relationship. But 2010, you made Facebook users to unfriend some of their once close friends. Losing friendship is awful I say. But for no good reason saving those who doesn't know your existence and importance. Just hope God bless them this coming new year.

You see I'm writing this up because I wanna just let it go. We are too old for extra burden to carry all lifetime. We all still have some other reasons to feel happy and enjoy our stay in Planet Earth. So I wanna wish everyone a happy new year 2011, year that hail for success and prosperity.



... and I just added this one as what Fadhlin Fuad had said "Sometimes we really have to move on and face the fact that certain chapters of our lives should really be closed forever." Now, I'm ready to let it go.

Love me, please.

Dear almost lover, 

Your unheard voice yearns me far enough for your soul and purest heart. Your eyes warmly greet me not to lie about the love. Your gesture reminds me for a reason of Caliphs’ life. And your decency ponders this heart to be felt subdue for the existence of such beautiful Almighty’s creature. Yet, I knew I’ve been far away not perfect for you, so to this I believed why you were not loving me. 

For a very long time, I quest for a common life that leads to common love and never ask for unrequited love. But you asked for a person that does ordinary things in a way very extraordinary. For me to contemplate, I am neither a superhuman nor your beau, but writing this truthfully from deep inside is not something ordinary for me, too. Though, I shall not waste this feeling flying for nothing. The least I can do is to have something to prove to you. 

With love,

Almost Beau